How To Build Powerful Relationships with Key Players At Work

Especially When You Don’t Like Them

👋 Hey, it’s Vijaya. Welcome to my weekly newsletter on building a strong reputation so you get rapid career growth and coveted senior leadership roles. Today’s edition is all about a fresh approach to building strong work relationships.

Relationships are like water. You need to put your hand in to know if it’s too hot or too cold.

My son Sam, yelled out “Daddy, I love Tata!”—his affectionate name for my dad. He was 6 then.

I asked him why. Sam’s answer was simple: “Because Tata buys stuff for me.”

Every summer, Sam and his grand-dad did the "City Walk." Sam on his blue and red bike. My dad walking beside him. They explored town, bought toys. and played games.

Here’s the thing. My dad met Sam’s core need for fun and adventure. Sam gave him the undivided, judgment-free company he craved.

It was effortless. Their bond was built on mutual need. No overthinking, no agenda.

Compare that with this. Complex, strained relationships at work. Especially with key players who rub you the wrong way. You try to avoid them. But that creates more tension, leading to anxiety. Your promotion is delayed. Or something even worse. Your reputation is stained.

Look, building powerful relationships at work isn’t difficult. In fact, you can simplify it with a strategy that’s centuries old.

Leonardo da Vinci and First Principles Thinking

1452. A small village near Florence, Italy. A boy named Leonardo da Vinci was born. He spent his early years roaming the hills, collecting plants, and sketching animals. He was fascinated by the natural world around him.

Leo wasn’t satisfied with observing life. He needed to break it down. Understand it at its core. He became obsessed with the "why" and "how" of everything.

He asked, “What makes the human body move?”. He had to know this. Deeply. So he dissected bodies. In secret. Peeled back the layers of skin and muscle. He was astonished: the body wasn’t chaos; it was a system of perfectly functioning parts. Muscles pulled like ropes. Bones pivoted like levers. Tendons worked like gears.

He didn’t stop there. He had to show the world. So, he sketched meticulously. Drew every muscle, bone, and tendon. His studies became precise and detailed.

Leo asked himself: “What if everything could be understood by breaking it down to its fundamental parts?”

His approach? First Principles Thinking—a method of cutting down problems to their most basic elements to uncover hidden truths.

What if you applied that same mindset to relationships at work?

The Big Idea: First Principles Thinking for Workplace Relationships

Just like how Leo learned about the human body, you can break down work relationships to their building blocks? You’ll build powerful connections. Even with people you don’t like.

4 Building blocks of work relationships:

1. Identify Core Motivations

Try to find out the fundamental motivations of the key players you’re trying to connect with. What drives them? What are their goals and challenges? Don’t focus your personal feelings. Shift your perspective. Understand their viewpoint. Empathize with them. Provide solutions aligned with their objectives.

Is your peer overly competitive? Don’t jump the gun and compete twice as hard. Pause. Ask yourself: What are they striving for? Recognition? Advancement? Validation? Understand their core motivations. Adjust your approach to improve collaboration rather than conflict.

2. Find Common Ground

Okay, you’ve identified their motivations. What next? Look for common interests. This is foundation for building rapport. Shared goals. Shared projects. Personal interests. All these are fair game. Don’t simply go all out to help. And burn yourself out. But focus on mutual benefits. This opens the door to collaboration.

Say, you and a peer are tasked with improving team performance. Position yourself as an ally. Share insights or resources. Help them achieve this shared goal. Bring mutual interests into conversations. Remove friction. This is how you set up a productive relationship.

3. Be Authentic In What You Say

Authenticity is key. Be honest and transparent in what you say and do. Should you be best friends? May be. May be not. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is if you’re respectful and sincere. Show you value what they say and their perspectives. Even when you don’t agree.

Heated conversations? Okay. Express your opinion. But do it in a manner that invites discussion and not debate. Say something like, “I see where you’re coming from, but I believe…” This helps you manage tough conversations. Without making them feel like an outsider.

4. Set Boundaries With Clarity

Don’t compromise your values or boundaries. Set clear expectations about how you want to engage. You should protect your integrity while building connections. Communicate your boundaries firmly and respectfully. Make sure they understand this.

Interrupting you? Downplaying your ideas in meetings? Address it directly but be nice. Say, “I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I’d like to finish my point first.” This clarity protects your voice. It creates respect for what you say.

Reflect and Adjust

Listen. It’s an ongoing process. Look back on your interactions. Are they improving? Keep going. Are there repeated issues? Adjust your approach. Don’t be afraid to change. This strengthens your relationships over time.

Conclusion

First principles thinking is a powerful tool for wading through workplace relationships. In summary:

• Focus on core motivations

• Find common ground

• Be authentic in what you say

• Set boundaries with clarity

That’s how you build meaningful connections that advance your career. Even with people you don’t like.

Remember. It’s not about liking everyone. It’s about being effective. The people who challenge you the most? They create the greatest opportunities for your growth.

I’d love to know what you think…